Yer Mother Was a Regular Right-down Bad 'un!

I was nearly murdered! That little work'us turned wicious and all but murdered me! Well, me and the rest of the house, that is, Charlotte and the missis would have been helpless to his murdering had I not been there. That darned Oliver Twist, and after all the gentleness the missis showed him. He got me good to, my eye's swollen to three times its normal size. But don’t yer start thinking I couldn't have given him a proper whopping had I been prepared. I was just making friendly conversation with the villain, when all of a sudden he jumped on me. A well built man couldn't have defended himself any better! That Oliver is lucky Charlotte dragged him away from me, or he would have had my big fist in his snivelling little work'us face! After having given him his deserved beating, the missis locked him up in the coal cellar and sent me to retrieve the beadle to give him the proper beating. The master wasn't home at the time of the ferocious attack, so he couldn't beat him himself, and we needed someone qualified for the job. I ran through those busy streets to the beadle like the devil himself, with my clasp knife against my eye to stop it swelling. I wanted to make sure that little work'us got what he deserved, so I collected an imposing show of tears and terror before calling the beadle. Ha! He was so stunned by my performance he even forgot his beadle hat! He followed me back to the missis' house with his excitingly large cane. Back at the house, the missis was still sunk in her chair, Charlotte was trying to comfort her, and Oliver was kicking at the cellar door. The beadle was explaining how the missis had been feeding the boy too much meat, when the master arrived. After being removed from the cellar, Oliver called the missis a liar, obliging the master to give him a most excellent flogging. The boy's pain brought a wonderful smile to my face; wicious children always get what they deserve. Ha! I'd like to see him try to lay a hand on me again! Not while I'm awake, I tell yer that.

How'd this get 'ere?

Charlotte! Did yer mess around with my blog?

My Start at Riches

Today I did a very clever thing. I was tired of working for that Sowerberry couple, they were always asking me to do stuff and they never had enough bread to eat. And so, I came up with the most ingenious plan to run away from that dump and make a living in London! Of course before leaving I relieved the Sowerberry’s of all their money. Ha! Ha! Ha! The journey to London was quite an easy one, well easy for me anyway. That Charlotte was complaining the whole way! Always resting and complaining about her "heavier" load. Well of course she had the heavier load, wouldn't want me to strain my back now would yer! Oh yeah, I brought Charlotte along too, someone to help carry the luggage and hold on to the money. Hehe, she thinks I gave her the money because I trusted her, but it was so that if we were caught, she'd get all the blame! Oh Lor! my cunning is always surprising me! I arrived in London with great joy was opportunity was knocking at every door. I just had to find the door that was right for me. That door just so happened to be the door to the "Three Cripples", or at least that’s what Charlotte says the sign reads. It looked like a respectable public-house, and at the counter was a young Jew, quite an ugly Jew if yer ask me. I asked us for some meat and beer and he told us we could lodge ourselves in the house. A bit later a sneaky old Jew came into the room, and it turns out he was eavesdropping on us. He heard all about our escape from the Sowerberry’s and about Charlotte stealing their money! I tried to help out Charlotte, but I couldn't help it that she stole money and wasn't clever enough to get away with it. "Yer've got it now, Charlotte, yer know yer have." I says. Lucky for her the Jew was one of us, if yer know what I mean, a crook he was. He told me he'd love too have someone like me in his businesses. "Live like a gentleman," he says, "board and lodgings pipes and spirits free." That's a done deal for me. Ha! Ha! I ingeniously tells him my name is Morris Bolter, and he never suspects the lie. Can't be too careful with these types of people yer know. Ha, coming to London might have been the most cleverest thing I've ever done!

Bolter's Important Mission

Tonight I was on a very special mission for mister Fagin. It all started a week ago, when he came to me during my breakfast and told me he had a piece of work for me that required "great care and caution." Ha! No man better than me in the world for a job like that! I was buttering my bread (Charlotte not being there to do it for me) as he explained that I was to follow a young woman. Turns out that young woman was one of Fagin's own dames that could no longer be trusted. Oh Lor! It was getting interesting! I was told to report where she had gone, who she had seen and what she had said. And the best part of it was that the old Jew was paying me one pound for it! Just to prove how dependable I am, he says he hadn’t ever paid anyone else such a respectable amount. Ha! This life of sneaking around is definitely the life for me. I tells him he can count on me, and that I was a regular cunning sneak at school, and he says to wait for the proper time.
And then it was tonight that I was called out to dodge the woman. I memorized her face in an instant when I saw her; I would have known her amongst a thousand. Nancy was her name, I think, and she seemed very weary of being followed. But she never doubted I was just a few steps behind her, ha! It was just a bit past midnight when that Nancy girl met up with a grey-haired gentleman and a pretty young woman. I cleverly got into the perfect position for spying on them, and heard their conversation perfectly. I didn't understand much of what they where saying, but I caught all the important bits and, when they had finished their secretive conversation, reported it all back to Fagin. He seemed to be in very deep thought after I told him what that treacherous Nancy had done, so I made sure to get my reward before he forgot. Ha! People like that girl who don’t know their place will eventually get what they deserve! I tell yer, if Charlotte ever did anything to my disadvantage, I'd make sure she'd never even think about doing it again.
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The Genteel Subsistence of an Informer

I'm done with this life of sneaking around for that old Jew; I'm going to make a living on my own. I'll bring Charlotte along to cook my meals for me. And again it's always good to have someone to take the blame if I get caught doing anything "shifty". Ha! Ha! Ha!
But that dirty old Fagin almost got me arrested, he did, and it's a good thing I've got the wits on my side! I told the authorities all they needed to know about Fagin's operations to get me out of trouble. Always look out for number one I says, too bad old Fagin wasn't as smart as me! I decided after that to stay away from unlawful businesses, I knew all too well that the authorities had their eyes on me. I wouldn't have been surprised if people trembled in fear at the sound of the name Morris Bolter! Times where slow for a little while, I was no longer overburdened with work and made sure not to eat too much so as to keep my figure. I had to put up with a lot of Charlotte's whining about her hunger, but I thought the leftovers I gave her where ample food for any woman. She just couldn't understand that the man needs more food than the woman because the man provides everything. After much consideration, I decided to take it upon myself to become an Informer for the law. Oh the irony at one of London's most clever villains beginning to work for the police. I've probably helped the authorities capture some of the most wanted criminals in the world! Yer might even call me something of a prodigy. Well, to be fair, Charlotte did help me in some of my information gathering, but it's nothing I couldn't have done without her! I believe the life of an Informer is the life for me. I had always wanted to be something of the sort, and there are no dangerous activities involved. Not that I'd be scared of danger, it's just that Charlotte would be completely lost without me, if yer understand. It's for the good of the lass that I keep out of danger. Just the other day Charlotte read me the paper and I learnt that Fagin got what was coming to him. An unwise oaf that one was, I knew from the first time I saw him that he would end up hung. I couldn't chance something like that happening to me. The side of the law is unquestionably the best side to be on!